(or How I got blamed for ruining a marriage because of porn)
Recently, I received some
(hilarious) emails from the wife of a guy who signed up on my porn site. I’m not sure exactly why she felt the need to air her dirty laundry to a complete stranger that not only had never talked to her – but had never even interacted with her husband, but air she did.
While my friends and I had a fucking ball with all of this shit, I quickly realized after reading the first email that this woman has some *SERIOUS* issues she needs to work on. And with my last email to her being pretty much “If you contact me again, I’m calling your police department and filing harassment charges”, some of this requires expanded responses.
(Also, with my powers of Google-Fu, I’ve figured out this particular woman used to work as a secretary at a police department, has a kid, and has had at least 4 last names, which apparently means she’s either really bad at picking guys to marry, or, *shocker* they can’t stand living with the cunt.)
I’m the wife of one of one of your former “customers”.
I don’t write this out of hate, I write it out of pity. For you, for him, for a sad situation. Maybe you won’t read it. Maybe you will, and your life will become magical. Who knows?
You could be a very beautiful woman. I’ve seen some of your pictures on the net because I wanted to see what he was “looking for”. But you are not beautiful, and it’s not even your small breasts – it’s your behavior that makes you that way. You make yourself cheap, and I have no idea why you have so little self-respect. You deserve so much better than that. You settle for less by allowing yourself to be peoples’ sex toy, rather than a real person. And you’re making yourself compete with others who have far better bodies and who offer pictures of them for free. Why do that to yourself? If you have children, do you want them to see those pictures? Do you think that will make them proud of their mother? (“Hey kindergarten classmates, my mom is a pornstar.” Yes, your kids would be ridiculed for this.) Your pictures are out there, and they will be forever. You can’t take them back, not even 40 years from now. Think about the future.
The only reason my husband ever looked at you, was the nights I turned him down. He preferred me over you. It’s not because I have a better body, or a prettier face. But because I provide him something so much better. Real intimate sex is always better than wacking off. Being loved and having an orgasm is always better than having to go it on your own. He sees that now. And I won’t debase myself by competing or sharing his attention. It’s not even a competition. You and I both deserve better.
He sold a $400 3D TV for $100 because I told him I didn’t want him keeping something that he used to look at you. In fact, he’s selling off everything he owns. Today, he bought me a brand new car (which I didn’t even ask for). He cries every day and he hates himself for looking at you. You’ve hurt him far more than you’ve hurt me. He feels like a complete shithead. So your $80.00 just about ruined someone’s life, and it wasn’t even mine. But you did a good thing. You turned him off to the porn industry forever. Even if I leave him, he’s not going back, he’s disgusted by it now. So I’m grateful to you for that.
See, he asked me out in junior high. He made up his mind back then that he wanted to marry me. 20 years later, he got his wish. I made him wait 20 years. Every girlfriend he had, was just a version of me and had to listen to him sing my praises. This man literally pined away for me and worshiped me for 20 years. Even you, he only paid because you reminded him of me only with less curves and without the beautiful three-color eyes that I have. (Yeah – worst compliment I’ve ever received). He cries every day, begs me to stay and basically has said anything I want, I will get. He knows that he’ll never get someone as good as me, even all his friends tell me that. And yes, I may leave him over this, and the wastage of money, and his drinking. Had he not been drunk and impotent, he could have come upstairs and had actual, really good sex. And I’ve never had a man “unsatisfied.” In the end, even your pictures didn’t do it for him because he realized how lousy a habit this is, and how “hollow”, and he lost interest. Ironic that you use the screen name “Athena”, who was the goddess of wisdom. She would never support someone throwing away their marriage for an illusion.
I hate porno, I think it’s gross and the mark of people with no class. I’m sorry but that’s what I think. I have corsets and costumes too, but they are more awesome because I don’t feel that I have to show off to the world. I’ve always been more selective about my “audience”. The thought of putting my picture out there and having some disgusting 60 year old man masturbating to it is just gross. So I’ve always reserved my “performance” for boyfriends who love me. If they don’t absolutely love me, I’m off limits. My body is more beautiful because people wish they could see it, I can tell by the way they look at me at the gym… but I don’t let them. The mystery is sexy. I don’t need men to masturbate to me to validate my self-worth and my beauty. And trust me, you don’t need that either. You really don’t. If your boyfriend/husband doesn’t make you feel like a complete goddess, you didn’t get someone worthy. The fact that you seek attention from so many others leads me to believe that somewhere at the core of your soul, is a woman who feels less than worthy. I’m sad about that. Reducing yourself to a pile of parts for others to use, is no better than visual prostitution. I fail to see how that is liberating, or how that boosts your confidence. I saw a couple pictures of you giving some man a blowjob… and let me tell you, if that guy isn’t willing to show his face, somewhere inside he’s ashamed. Why no pictures of him making you feel good? Doesn’t he care about you and your pleasure and put your needs first? I surely hope so. Every woman deserves this.
See, if I wanted to hurt my husband, I guess I could join you in what you do. I’m 112 pounds, I’ve got C/D-cup breasts, I’ve got costumes. I could post pictures of me just to shame him at the thought of other men enjoying the looks of his lovely wife. But no, I’m better than that. And somewhere inside, I think you are too. Why let people treat you as a whore and a pile of flesh, when you could be admired and respected for your WORK, and your creativity and programming skills. It’s a fruitless effort to try to be admired for your beauty. There are hundreds of women out there more beautiful than both of us. Why not instead, be remembered for our talents and our uniqueness… something which we alone possess.
I hate what my husband did. I’ve lost a lot of respect for him over this. I’m pretty disgusted at him, and he may have just lost the woman of his dreams over this. He will never get someone like me..not with his looks and his lack of confidence.. but I would have no problem replacing him with someone better. You, I just feel sorry for. I think you deserve better than to let people treat you that way. You are not making the world a better place by encouraging men to treat women like body parts. You’re impacting all of us. I hope you think about what your legacy to the world should be when you pass away. And I hope you dream of something better for yourself than being just a visual prostitute. Your body looks very childlike.. and you should know that things like that encourage pedophilia. They start with small women like you, and progress to children. So yes, you are contributing very indirectly to all the children out there that get raped by encouraging the perps. I know this. I worked for a police agency. I really believe you are better than that. Maybe it will take you years to figure that out. By then, your photos will still be circling around. And if your real name ever gets out there (and believe me, people can find this out), employers may not want to hire someone like you, so you’ll cheat yourself out of good paying jobs.
Again, if you had the guts to read this far, I don’t hate you. I’m not even angry at you. No, that anger is reserved for my husband for just about throwing away something he already had which is far better. I just tell you as a woman, you deserve better. Your body would be much more beautiful fully dressed, allowing people to wonder at the mysteries within. By displaying it, you’re just a woman with small breasts competing with women with larger ones. But with more clothes on, people could be attracted to your style and personality instead. Your uniqueness would be much more obvious and more precious… and much more cool than just another pile of parts. And if you really want to pursue this career, as a mother I ask you – please go and get breast implants so you’re not encouraging men to go for prepubescent females. I really mean that. Not to insult you, but to stop encouraging men to look at younger and younger women. This comes from someone who has seen the devastation of child molestation. I’m tired of seeing stepfathers molest their teenage stepdaughters. Pictures like yours are the ones that start them on this life-destroying path. Look a molested child in the eye and tell her you feel good about what you do. I bet you can’t do it. Again – this isn’t to insult you. I just hope you really think about the lives you’re helping to destroy. I can’t see how a few dollars in your pocket make it worthwhile. You deserve better, and so do your “customers”.
Best wishes to you, and may you find the better life that you so very badly deserve.
1) I enjoy my job. Always have. Always will.
2) Your husband, your problem – *NOT* mine. I don’t “steal” attention. Not my job to keep your husband interested in you, and if he turned to my porn, it sounds to me like you guys have a communication problem. Again. Not my fault that you two got together too young to understand that communication is of the utmost importance.
3) How DARE you tell me my job is humiliating or debasing to myself. That’s MY decision as to whether it humiliates me, NOT yours. Don’t project your personal body and obvious sexual issues onto my life.
4) My daughter knows that I take care of her, am able to provide for her, and get to be a stay at home mom. There is more to life than a 9-5, but I’m sorry that your life has been so disappointing that you can’t see past me getting naked for a living. Again – your hangup, not mine.
5) I LOVE my body. I refuse to get implants. Absolutely, positively refuse. If you associate large breasts with being a woman, you are just as much of a misogynist as any man who says a woman was raped because she was asking for it. Learn to love yourself. I also certainly wouldn’t take the opinion of a woman who is so insecure of herself that she feels the need to personally attack someone’s build just because they have a shitty relationship with their husband.
6) I am admired because of my attitude, my work ethic, my creativity, my personality, AND my body. I am very good friends with many people I’ve met through porn, as well as people I’ve met outside of it. I don’t hide who I am. I love who I am. I’m sorry that you are so hung up on such things that you personally can’t look past that, but yet again, that’s a “you” problem, not a “me” problem.
So, in short – Sorry you and your husband can’t communicate like mature adults; that is in no way indicative of who I am as a person, and your “woe is me” letter isn’t going to affect what I do for a living.
If you felt proud, you’d use your real name. Go on and keep helping pedophiles everywhere. You’ll regret it someday, not now. I feel sorry for the life and legacy you’re providing for your kids. It’s a lousy example. I hope you aren’t training them to follow in your footsteps.
Best wishes for a better life. I would never do what you do. It’s not about hangups, it’s about self respect. Anything is better than prostitution, which is what you’re doing. Poor girl.
No. Prostitution is sleeping with other people for money. I thought you said you worked for a police agency? Shouldn’t you know the difference? Either way, I feel sorry for your husband. You are classic narcissist, and treat him like trash.
Honestly, I wish he’d wise up and leave you because living under your rule of thumb, self-obsession, and delusions of grandeur can’t possibly be healthy.
Please, go see a shrink about this. Blaming anyone but yourselves for your marriage’s downfall is pretty much the most narcissistic thing anyone can do in a relationship.
I just found a letter in my email from her husband that I had totally just ignored, from back in early January. This chic wrote me TWO MONTHS after her husband. Sweetie, if you are having that many problems this early in your marriage (not even a year!) then you need to just cut ties and move on LOL
So let me tell you a story. About a year ago, a few months before I married my wife, I signed up for a membership on your site. I was curious. I was lonely. I saw “parts” and my brain turned off. I’m sure you’re aware that many of your members jerk off at your pictures, and I shamelessly (at the time) did. I rationalized to myself that it was harmless, just patterns of electrons on my computer screen.
I could use the excuse that I was drunk at the time (I was. I’m an alcoholic.)
But what I didn’t consider was how much it hurt my wife. She had made it clear that there were some show-stoppers for her. 1) No lying. 2) No hiding money. 3) No porn.
I managed to do all three in the first six months of our marriage. I can’t undo what I did. I’m not even sure I’ll even be able to make things right.
I met her over 20 years ago and it seemed like we had a great love story. I was shy and asked her out, but she already had a boyfriend and turned me down. I had to move away, but eventually she tracked me down and we remained friends several states apart. We both were in relationships on and off, and it wasn’t until a few years ago that we found we still had feelings for each other. I ended up moving back to be close to her, and while it took me a while to get a job, she shared her house, her paycheck, her bank account, her life with me. She was open and honest, and once I got a job, I took a big dump on it, hiding money so I could buy booze, paying to see your website, buying stupid shit I don’t need because I get impulsive. It’s a common theme. I’m a selfish ass that historically seeks out the easiest path for immediate gratification. I’ve ruined the best relationship of my life, and I have nothing to show for it.
I’m working at being a better person. I’m going to AA. My doctor put me on anti-depressants. I fixed my direct deposit so at least more damage isn’t being caused financially. I’m trying to sell “my” possessions in order to clear the debt I caused in my stupidity. I’m going to my first therapist appointment tomorrow. I’m trying to “not suck” and get my life in order, and it’s amazing how low I got that basics like hygiene, going to work, etc. are the closest I’ve come to achievement the last couple weeks.
I am a total piece of shit and I’ve got a long uphill road to climb if I’m ever going to be able to regain her trust. I might not, but I’m working at it.
I want you to know how sorry I am to her.
I also want to apologize to you. I don’t know if you’re really into the goth or geek culture. I don’t know you at all. I reduced you to something for temporary visual stimulation. Maybe you’re fine with that as long as you get your membership fees. If so, maybe you should raise your prices so that fuckups like me won’t throw away their marriages the way I did.
“I want you to know how sorry I am to her.”
Dude, I don’t care how sorry you are to your wife, but the fact that she blames ME and not your guys’ lack of communication as the key issue, then I don’t think you should be sorry to her either.
- March 7 – She’s BAAACCCKKKKKKK
Dear Ms. parts,
(Oh, ok. So, I’m demeaning myself, and objectifying myself, and that’s bad, but it’s ok if YOU do it. Got it.)
You are very good in rationalizing your behavior. You are right in that it is not “illegal” – however, you accept money in exchange for men getting sexual pleasure. The concept is the same. This is simply a false rationalization by someone who wants to avoid thinking of themselves as a “prostitute”. The truth is, your behavior isn’t any better. They pay, they get pleasure. You’re smart though – you’re just making them do the work themselves. It’s like the “self checkout” at Walmart.
(Actually, unlike you, I don’t look down on prostitutes. I see absolutely nothing wrong, or immoral about any kind of sex work that is consensual. So, no, I don’t have to rationalize it. BZZT. Try again.)
I know you have a conscience somewhere and deep down under the sneering veneer, you don’t feel so good about what you do. That’s why my first email got under your skin.Otherwise you wouldn’t bother with a reply.
(I do have a conscience. You know what it tells me to do: Not hurt or tear down other people based on superficial standards that I make up in my head. That’s what it’s supposed to do. Don’t be a dick. Pretty simple, actually. But you conflating pornography with not having a conscience is pretty unconscionable. Oh, and btw, I replied because your emails have fueled 24 solid hours of entertainment between myself & my friends. Also, I seriously honestly think you need help.)
In spite of how evil I think your behavior is, I actually took the time to tell you that you deserve better – that’s far more kind than anything you’ve said to me.
(Again, that’s based on your personal rationalization that I *NEED* your help. I didn’t ask for it. You assumed you *knew* better for me than I do. Hiding bigotry & hatred behind niceness does not mean that you are a good person. Quit conflating good & nice.)
I would bet that your parents/grandparents family don’t know what you do. In fact, I hope not. Because if they do, they don’t love you enough to tell you to be something more than that. I hope that’s not the case.
(My mom loves me NO MATTER WHAT I DO. It’s what a parent’s job is: Love your kid unconditionally. Does she necessarily agree with all of my life’s choices? Hell no. What parent does? But she doesn’t look down on me in any way. I personally feel bad for your daughter knowing that you say “Do what I tell you to do or I love you less”.)
The work I do makes peoples’ lives better. What benefit is the work that you do? Is porn your only legacy to leave behind on this earth once you’re gone? Yes, I’m still saying I think you’re better than that – if you choose to be.
(Since when does every job have to contribute some big meaningful answer to society? Do you feel the same about the checkout person at your local grocery store? They simply check out groceries. It’s not some big philosophical job, and having done that job before, I can tell you it’s WAY more demeaning dealing with smug assholes than getting naked on the internet. My legacy is simple: Change the world for the better. Why does my JOB have to be the one that does that? Can I not do that entirely on my own, unconnected to what I do for a living? Also, the benefit: I know lots of couples who use porn to get in the mood. YOU may see issue with that, but then we’re back around to YOUR hangups.)
See, I also didn’t wish ill on your daughter, nor on your relationship as you did with me. However, as you sit there wishing my husband would leave me, you’re actually dooming your own relationship by being so incredibly shallow.
(You talk mad amounts of shit about your husband; you demean him; you force him to change for YOU without any sacrifice on your part. He, whether he realizes it or not, is in an abusive relationship. NO ONE should deal with that. So yes, I said your husband should leave you – because you are emotionally and psychologically abusive. I would say the same to any battered spouse.)
When you wish ill on others, karma has a way of turning it back on you. I would be surprised to hear from you in ten years that your fiance is still with you. It also doesn’t surprise me that your daughter’s father obviously didn’t make you a priority in his life.
(Year 11 so far. Also, my daughter’s father IS my fiance, ya twit. But let’s talk about this for a second: Are you with your first husband still? No? What about YOUR baby’s daddy? Nope there too? Sounds to me like YOU’RE the one projecting.)
Men have never made you a priority, and that’s why you are the way you are. You are seeking to fill an empty void that someone left you with. And I’m sorry that happened to you. You didn’t deserve that.
(Actually, I have lots of love, but I, unlike you, don’t seek validation in the form of men. I don’t have to measure my self-worth based on other people. I’m pretty fucking secure in who I am.)
So your idea of “narcissism” is actually you projecting your own experiences onto me. That’s a common psychological pitfall. It doesn’t surprise me the bottle with the alcohol either. That’s a common way to numb and avoid the pain you’ve buried. And it’s sad.
(This is in reference to one of my profile pictures of me holding a bottle of alcohol. Because, ya know, only alcoholics drink. People don’t ever drink randomly, just like good, moral people don’t eat foods that are bad for them, or have sex ever. Nope.)
Your kid deserves better than to be around that kind of stuff. She deserves a mother she can be proud of. And no, the money you make doesn’t make you a good person. Deep inside, you know this. You’ll never admit it to me, and I don’t care – but I already know you aren’t proud of what you do – not where your daughter is concerned. You and I both know when people ask her what her mom does, a day will come when she will feel shame. Show me a kid who is proud of their pornstar parent. Show me. It does not exist.
(Actually, I know lots of kids who are proud that their parents can stay home and raise them, instead of sending them to a sitter every single day, regardless of what they do for a living. You are making the logical fallacy that my job = the only thing in my life. And you’re pretty much wrong on every account. And the only one demeaning me and my work around here is *YOU*. Oh, and you’re the one who keeps bringing up money. I think that says a bit more about you than me, sweetie.)
I know that someone at some point in your life hurt you. No little girl in any kindergarten class stands up and says “I want to be a porn star!” So somewhere in your life, someone hurt you and brought you down. Unlike you, I have compassion. That too, despite the temporary impact you had on my relationship. And yes, it is temporary. And it is over.
(You’re right. In kindergarten I didn’t say “I wanna be a porn star!”. But, how many people do you know became what they wanted to be in KG? Less than 1%? LOL However, I did say my freshman year in high school I wanted to do porn. Wrote an essay in English about it. And seriously, what human can say they’ve NEVER been hurt, other than sociopaths? Are you finally admitting you’re a sociopath? Also, how did *I* have an impact on your relationship. It was YOUR husband that broke YOUR rules. I didn’t force his hand. I didn’t sign him up to my website. I still don’t even think I’ve ever interacted with him in any way, shape, or form.)
It also seems that you don’t know what “trash” really is. You see, my husband has been my best friend for 20 years – just as friends. I told him honestly and openly three things I don’t tolerate in my relationships: alcohol, porno, and lying. He had the free choice to leave at that point. That’s not under someone’s thumb. That is setting a healthy boundary, which is reasonable. Just because you have no boundaries, does not mean you will ever make me feel bad about setting them for myself. I have no guilt. He knew those things would hurt me deeply and he did them anyway. I shared my bank account with him before we married, every penny I earned – I kept nothing for myself. So yes, him hiding and wasting $13,000 once he got a job was pretty shitty. I supported him unemployed for a year. I have spent countless hours talking him off the ledge as he recovers from the terrible abusive childhood he had. Every time he’s been in crisis, I’ve been there. If you think that is trashy treatment on my part, I would hate to see your definition of good. The fact that he feels such deep remorse, and is so willing to sacrifice and to work so hard to rebuild trust and respect, that is not a bad thing at all. That is an appropriate response for someone who has learned to value their marriage. This man will never leave me, I can tell you that. He confessed his love to me at 14 and that love never faded. We are 37 now. Yes, he made some major screwups, and his extreme remorse and incredible dedication to trying to make things right is a sign of his love and commitment. It seems you know very little about love and commitment. You are very young, much younger and with less experience than I, but I’m confident you’ll figure this out someday.
(Yes, I’m younger than you. By about 10 years. But you know what? I’ve been *with* the same guy for 11 years. which is more than you can say Mrs. 4 other previous last names. You espouse that your husband will never leave you, but in your previous emails, you talked about how you could easily leave him. I think that shows YOUR value on marriage.)
And no, I don’t need a shrink, Sorry to disappoint you. I was the top employee at my company, left that job and went back for my Bachelor’s and am a straight-A student. I’m passionate about everything I do, I have a huge network of supporters and friends.
(Um. Hate to break it to you, but lots of people who’ve had jobs and gone to college have to see shrinks. Your work and educational history are no indication that you aren’t a narcissist, and the fact that you bring this kind of thing up so often kind of points to you being EXACTLY that.)
And you’ve given me the very best gift. It was through him paying you that I discovered what was going on, that deep talks convinced him porno is disgusting and he’d rather have real sex instead. Our sex life has been awesome since these changes.
(So, you had to change your husband to make him into YOUR perfect ideal. Sounds REALLY healthy there, lady. Good job!)
So I owe you a huge thank you my dear. I simply wanted to return the favor by telling you that you deserve better in your life. Perhaps I just have a strange way of saying this.
So yes, thank you. Thank you for helping me have the awesome marriage I deserve. Yeah, feelings are hurt. But better to have this out in the open. Marriage is hard work. But the payoff is huge. Seeing his remorse and sacrifice, I feel much more loved now than I did before. So again, thank you my dear.
(“his remorse and sacrifice”. What about your sacrifice? I mean, besides your bank account. Seriously. You have zero idea what marriage actually is. You play house, sweetie, as evident by the fact that you’ve had several other last names and you’re not even 40 yet.)
Love how she reduced me to “parts”, yet I’m objectifying myself XD
My final email to her:
Look, you have problems in your head if you believe that I needed to know AT ALL that your husband fucked up. I have never even talked to him before. So the fact that you brought it to *my door step* in the first place, while spending more time talking about how “awesome” you are, and tearing me down at every corner; the way you demand he worship you; the way you say that he won’t find someone better; the way you brag about your looks; the fact that you believe not having large breasts means I’m somehow less of a woman than you are…. They are ALL typical Narcissistic Behavioral markers.
That- THAT is why you need a shrink sweetie. That you blame a random nearly 30 year old woman on the internet who’s never talked to you, OR your husband, for any part of your woes, is beyond even slight narcissistic tendencies. I’m not even joking in any way – You. Need. A. Shrink.
Anyways, you can stop emailing me any day, dear. The simple fact is that if you contact me again, I WILL be contacting your local authorities about harassment. I have all of your information, and you have zero reason to ever email me again. This is your one notice. Please don’t make me contact then authorities over your behavior because you can’t at all see any blame in your own problems.
Narcissists are hilarious sometimes XD